Say I Won't.

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Ok...so they say that confession is good for the soul.  So here I go.  (Cue theme song to "Young and the Restless" as I take the stand...now.)

As I surf from site to site and chat with one Naturalista after the next, I find that there is an unwritten cardinal rule that should never be broken.  There is a line that is drawn in the sand of infinity that should never be crossed.  There is a cardinal sin that is so vile...so debasing and unforgivable that it may bring into question the very validity of Naturalista membership:

NEVER LET WHITE FOLKS TOUCH YOUR HAIR.

If they ask, say "No."  Apparently there are many techniques to execute this shut down:

1) You can give the polite Bougie Babe, "I'd rather you didn't, THA-ANKS!"(Complete with frenemy smile.)

2) You can pull the Sistah-Gurl Sarcasm with, "Girl, what? (Open throat laugh) Nah, Boo...BYE!"(Complete with side eye.)

3) You can deliver with laser focus the Naturalista X speech in which you enlighten the poor, ignorant one on the social ramifications and historical mis-teachings behind their ludicrous request. "For 400 years the Black race has endured their personal boundaries becoming the play ground for the White Establishment......" (Complete with concerned stare of disappointment and disapproval)

4) Or you can simply do the NBA Manuever and block the shot toward your loc! (Jackie Chan style speed!)

Either way, the Sisterhood has made it clear to all who would enter into the Circle...do not let these people ask you dumb questions about your hair and for the love of all that is righteous do not let them  touch your hair.  Period.

You know where this is going, don't you?  Maybe you haven't known me long enough to guess... 

 Confession:  YAAASSSSSS,  I'VE BROKEN THE RULE!!

I've done it many times, your Honor!  And I will probably do it again! (cue my utter collapse on the witness stand.)  

 I have answered some truly silly questions about my hair and my regimen.  I have answered some really great questions, too!  I have held some really intelligent, philosophical conversations about hair and femininity and race and how all of that ties the female gender together...and sets us apart...and sometimes sets us against each other.  I would say that I have had the Forbidden Request issued to me EQUALLY from Whites and Blacks!  YES..BLACK GIRLS WANNA TOUCH MY HAIR!! You should have seen me sweat as I frantically searched my mental index for the subsections to this rule book to see if it did not apply if another one of my own race asked!  Where the heck were the amendments??  Who is editing this rule book anyway??  

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"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or last; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoings, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV

Listen, I don't judge anyone for having their personal boundaries.  Do what makes you comfortable and gives your soul peace.  All I am asking is that you do not judge me for doing what gives my soul peace.  Sometimes we can choose to exercise a little bit of patience and understanding and it can go a long way to build bridges between females.  I have White sisters who have bi-racial children and White sisters who have adopted Black children and White sisters who have Black adopted/step siblings.  Can't they catch a pass on this unwritten rule?  They have bridges to build!  I have White sisters who want to know better so they can say and do and believe better! I applaud you if you genuinely want to understand the complexities of textured, ethnic hair.   And if a 10 second moment (I think longer than that should come with dinner and a movie) during which I demystify this one physical feature that has been such a point of social and sexual contention for hundreds of years can assist them toward understanding...I will consent.  

In that moment you will connect with a part of my soul.  You will connect with an inanimate object that somehow conveys life.  I will forgive you if your purposes are self serving for asking and touching because the only thing that changed is that now I know how you think whereas before I could only postulate.  But the opportunity to show the patience of love and the hope of love in believing you really want to educate yourself will most times be under my heavy consideration.  I don't like leaving the awkward moment knowing that may have been a moment of enlightenment and reconciliation for both of us.  Don't get me wrong, I am not open to being a 24/7 petting zoo! It's not that serious and it is a judgement call.  I don't always say, "Yes." .... But don't say I won't.

To Chop or Not to Chop...

Black Hair and Flowers by Fazlalizadeh

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So, let's talk about TRANSITIONING.  Yep, I said it.  I am gonna dive head first into this one.  I ran into a gorgeous sister today who is also a dear sister in Christ.  She is ready...SO ready, to unveil her natural coils but for some reason she believes that she doesn't have enough hair yet.  She isn't sold yet on how she will look with short hair.  I continued to encourage her and told her my story, how I started with literally two snaps of hair because I went for the Big Chop less than a month after my last relaxer.  She is currenty wearing a beautifully done set of braids back off her face in an elegant ponytail, so I explained that her face will be just as prominent (and lovely) as it is now.  But the conversation took a turn when she used a word that truly bothered me.  She said she was "Afraid."

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I see a lot of information on transitioning from relaxed to natural hair.  And though I appreciate that not everyone wants to simply cut off all their relaxed locks to unleash their natural glory, the REASONS behind why they choose to wait are important.  It is upsetting that society has done such a complete job of shaping our self-image and concept of our sexuality that we have forgotten (or at least pushed to the wayside) the image that God has laid out for us.  Delaying the unveiling of your true hair delays the process of accepting your true self.

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Song Bird by Wendy Nikolle'

II Timothy 1:7 "For God gave us a spirit not of Fear but of Power and Love and Self-Control." ESV

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There is nothing wrong with preferring to transition to natural rather than go cold turkey.  But for the sake of your soul, I encourage you not to.  Just like there is something beautiful about planting a seed and watching it grow...just like looking back on the baby pictures of a child and seeing how they developed to the person they are now...there is something amazing about watching your hair emerge and transform into it's natural crown.  There is beauty in the journey of great hair days and days when you are tempted to go back to relaxing or to hide your tresses under a wig.  It takes discipline and stamina to be dertermined to shatter the image of what you have been taught to believe your hair should look like and discover the person that has always been there.  Your beautiful, natural self. 

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The Holy Spirit gives grace and strength to do all things...ALL things.  If indeed it is to glorify God by re-claiming the vessel that He designed, then He can give you patience to get to that goal.  If you must transition, don't let it become your crutch.  Wean yourself from the extras as soon as you can gather the Divine strength to do so.  It may feel awkward or over-exposed at first, but the rewards of watching yourself transform as the months go by will make it well worth the temporary sacrifice of false image.  Bloom on, my sisters.



Tangle Beef!

Centric by XSUDEZ

Can I just take a minute to say...I HATE detangling my hair!  I mean, seriously.  Just typing the word makes my tongue go dry and I start to perspire slightly on my top lip!! C'mon you guys!!  I can NOT be alone in this!  Really!  Doesn't the tension in your neck begin to build from Wednesday night just thinking about the effort that Saturday is going to entail.  Now, I know some sisters have these AMAZING regimines which include finger detangling, copious amounts of some exotic oil, two strand twisting or some such styling and several hours of romantic comedies.  As much as I aspire to such dedication with my 'fro, I would be a liar of the highest degree to even remotely claim that I ascribe to the same disciplines.  For me, my extra wide tooth comb, a new botte of Burt's Bees conditioner and an uninterrupted shower (thanks to hubby running interference with the kiddos) and that is all I've got in me.  Or, in that case, time for!  I know I should then graduate to the, slightly finer, wide tooth comb and then protectively style to ensure stretching my coils and ensuring a better detangle next time.  That amongst mountains of other advice that I am sure I should be taking to make the experience less traumatic next time around....but do I do it.....nah!  Apparently, though my left brain knows what should be done, my free spirit, hippie right brain somehow still believes that the Detangle Fairy will appear on Friday night and I will arise Saturday morning with easily manuverable tresses!  Don't bet your Kinky~Curly on it!!  How is it we can know better but not do better?

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Newness of Morning by Raheli's Brush

Galatians 5:1  "Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage."  NKJV

It is so easy to slide into old habits....and to justify them!  Even when we know that doing things the right way may be more challenging but will save us headache in the long run.  Yet, somehow we wallow in the stubborness of it all.  Really, avoiding the "tangles" of life has more to do with busying ourselves doing what we should be doing.  Then there is less room to fall into it if we are too busy doing the opposite of it.  In this verse, Paul was telling us all to basically stick to what we know works!  Once we understand the freedom we have in Christ, stand firm in it so that we don't allow the slavery of sin to take us hostage!  A steady regimine of communing with the Lord will definitely cut down on having to do major Spirtual Surgery on a regular basis!  It doesn't have to be a complex regimine, just something tailored to our Spiritual needs and sincere to the soul.  Detangling the difficult areas of our life is a daily process.  It must be done carefully and steadily.  Prepare to loose a few things and sometimes we have to cut some knots out!  But the Holy Spirit is a great conditioner and He can make the process a whole lot smoother if we allow Him!

The "Anti-Naturalista"

Afro Moments by Wendy Nikolle'

So, what is a "Naturalista" anyway?  Well, I guess since its a completely invented word, it can mean almost anything! LOL!  But, my definition is a woman who lives by the intangible.  She enjoys keeping her life and her look in an organic state.  No, I don't mean "raised with out chemicals" organic.  Although, that may apply at times!  I mean organic as is full of the life that flows from the inside.  Her home is filled with life.  Her workplace is affected by her "life energy".  Her personal style flows from her life energy, not from a desire to keep up with trends set by outward influences.  That doesn't mean she is never trendy...it just means that she wouldn't pick up a trend if it did not truly reflect her inner self.  Now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about the "Anti-Naturalista"!

Going natural is one of the hottest trends out there right now.  When done by a Naturalista for personal and sincere reasons, it is a great expression of self-contentment and positive confidence.  When done by an "Anti-Naturalista", it becomes a mundane series of conversations about hair typing, fighting shrinkage, and streams of self pics documenting length and curl definition.  I see you're about to throw a handful of Eco Styler in my face!  Just give me a second!!! I am NOT saying that chats about products and techniques are not necessary when caring for our delicate coils.  I am saying that when I get an email from you and the first item you address after greeting me is always an offer to send me a new pic of your latest hair status or a detailed description of how bouncy your curls were after treatment thus and such.......sigh.......I think you might be an Anti-Naturalista.

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Lisy2 by Wendy Nikolle'

II Timothy 3:6-7  "For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of truth." ESV

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Now, this verse was the apostle Paul warning Timothy, a young pastor, of how to spot false teachers and false prophets.  Even in Biblical times there were those who were using Christianity as a means to emotionally manipulate people.  Wow.  Not that my hair is NEARLY as crucial as my SOUL, but I can't help but see a parallel between sisters who become emotionally crippled by depending on false doctrine that feeds their insecurities and sisters who become obsessed with commentary on their tresses because it affirms their beauty.  The women Paul was talking about were injured and damaged, therefore it was easy for these manipulators to capture their attention.  Also, they were band wagoners.  Wherever the running fad is coming from is where they want to be.  Where they NEED to be.  This gives them a sense of belonging.  Talking incessantly about our hair does not help us "belong" with each other.  It keeps us distracted FROM each other.  We become trapped in a constant cycle of narcissism; identifying with our hair rather than letting the hair become part of our identity. 

Let's try a fresh approach.  Let's talk about our hair as much as we talk about our teeth or our kneecaps.  Naturalistas set their hair free from the pretense of chemical processing NOT so they can draw attention to their waves every chance they get.  They do it because they want their hair to be as free as their spirit.  Don't entertain Anti-Naturalista's in their obsessions.  There may be some deeper emotional and spiritual needs there that manifest in their hair fetish.  Let's encourage our girlfriends to define themselves not their curl type.

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